re: cheesiness. I always feel cheesy myself and I’m sure it’s that I’m not as secure as I should be. But it’s alright, feeling goofy isn’t always so bad.

Knee-jerk reactions usually mean that you are allowing yourself to be acted upon. That is of course, our choice. We can choose to act, or be acted upon. When we choose to act, it usually means that we are calm enough to think clearly about the situation and the actions that we take are usually much more productive.

Using positive discipline with my children, in nothing else, certain feels a lot better inside than negative discipline. If I leave the discipline table feeling like a bad parent, that is a good indicator that the method(s) I just employed were less effective or just plain wrong.

I agree that children need to be empowered. I have recently noticed that with Jarom (our second), he seems to be feeling out of control. Perhaps because he is the second and younger than our oldest. The older child has more privileges and enjoys pestering the younger one. The younger one can often feel helpless and resorts to tactics like spitting in order to fight back. This is similar to an animal that has been backed into a corner. They feel out of control and they are more apt to do anything it takes to get out of that corner.

Since I have noticed that in my second child, I have been keeping an eye out for ways that I can empower him. To help him feel like he has some control over his little world. To help him feel that he has options and choices so that he does not feel the helpless need to act out.

It has been my observation that acting out is a symptom. A symptom of a problem that is not necessarily related to the situation at hand.

Here is a quote that you are probably familiar with. “I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves.” I think this is or should be the goal of every parent.

I’m familiar with a few discipline methods and the Positive Discipline approach just seems to be the one that would most effectively encourage children to be responsible, while also helping them feel secure and loved.

Our school pushes Love & Logic, but when we had a certified trainer come teach the parents how they should be doing things, what she advocated seemed neither loving nor logical. For example, when a kid is yelling at you, she said if you’ll simply answer with nonsense words, the child will be confused enough that they’ll back off. But while that might get a screaming child to shut up, I’d think it would alienate them as well.

Positive discipline would be something more along the lines of, “Wow, I see you’re upset about this. It’s always harder to solve a problem when we’re angry. Why don’t we both take a few minutes to cool off so we can find a good solution.”

Which might sound cheesey. But it gives you a chance to remember you’re the parent, you’re the one who needs to behave like an adult, and the child needs love and direction. In my experience, an answer like that, followed by a hug and a reasonable chat, is SO much better than any of myriad of ways we attempt to control a kid, and also much better than any knee jerk reaction.

Positive Discipline is not about manipulating a child into doing the right thing. It’s about empowering them to make good choices for themselves.

What do you like about Jane’s book?